The Daily Newt

[Alfonso Velez]

PARLIAMENT APPROVES VELEZ AS SUPREME LIBERTARIAN DICTATOR WITHOUT DEBATE

 

The Parliament of Alduria voted today to proclaim Alfonzo Velez "Supreme Fantabulous Libertarian Dictator" of Alduria. After introducing the bill, His Fantabulousness briefly gave a speech in support of the measure pledging to be an unrelenting Libertarian autocrat. After the Speaker opened up the bill to debate no one spoke up...as usual. Parliament overwhelmingly passed the bill with most of the major parties not even bothering up to show up to the vote. When the vote was announced, a student in the gallery yelled out "YASSS QUEEEN!" in support of Velez.

Some members of the public expressed concern that such a bill was passed without any real debate. "I mean, we haven't seen a lot of debate on anything this session," Nat-Lib staffer Jeffery Jefferson stated, "but we kindof figured someone would have something to say about the establishment of a Supreme Libertarian Dictatorship." He paused for a moment before continuing, "Not that we have anything against His Fantabulousness, long may he sparkle!"

Others welcomed the establishment of the Supreme Libertarian Dictatorship. "It's not like anything is really different," L&D staffer Chevy McCheverson stated as she snapped a picture of Velez's new spiffy naval uniform, "Velez has been running the show for awhile now and no one's been standing up to speak and no one can be bothered to vote--so why have a Parliament when we can just have a Libertarian dictatorship?"

In a brief speech in Porto Santo, His Fantabulousness, Supreme Libertarian Dictator for Life, Queen of Fierceness, Defender of Democracy, Titan of Industry, Lord High Duke, Emperor of Fashion, Margrave of Magnificence, Dr. Rev. Gen. Adm. Alfonzo Velez, GCSP, DD, PhD proclaimed: "This Supreme Libertarian Dictatorship shall rule with an iron fist. No one will be unreasonably searched or seized whether or not they like it! No one shall be searched without a warrant! People will have Liberty if they like it or not!" His fantabulousness concluded his remarks with a deep, maniacal laugh before departing the stage, surrounded by a cadre of young, muscular bodyguards with form-fitting fashionable uniforms.